Christian Rudder, cofounder of OkCupid and math whiz, has
written an intriguing book subtitled: Love, Sex, Race, and Identity – What our
Online Lives Tell Us About Our Offline Selves. This is a book for math and
statistics lovers – it is full of graphs and charts and, appropriately, much
data.
While the author seeks to show us how this broad swath of
data proves we are all connected, the connection between the chapters is
tenuous at best. There are quite a few interesting tidbits in each section that
you could pull out at a cocktail party, but there is little in the way of
overarching theme or a “moral of the story” so to speak.
Nevertheless, this is definitely a book I would suggest to
friends. If you read non-fiction, this is a good choice. Rutter’s writing is
very down to earth and entertaining, and he is very careful to point out his
own biases and contradictions. Though it is a very information-rich book, it
reads like a Malcolm Gladwell novel. It is very accessible to the average
reader without a degree in statistics. The difference is that Rutter uses
information from OkCupid and various other social media sites to make broad
conclusions, where Gladwell attempts to individualize his studies of statistics
and behavoiral economics.
Some short disclaimers before I get to some of my favorite
excerpts. First, I met my boyfriend on OkCupid, and have had many friends do so
as well. So I was especially interested in this book because of my boyfriend
talking about how great the OK Trends blog had been (it was discontinued before
I made a profile on the site, probably because Rudder was busy writing this
book). Rudder uses some of the insight from that blog here, although he says
that he re-ran all the numbers and updated information to the point where he
basically only used the blog as a starting point. So if you’ve read that blog,
I suggest you read this too. There is way more information here! Second disclaimer:
I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.
If you are looking for a how-to guide on online dating, then
you may be disappointed with this book. Only the first section is on dating,
and it’s mostly an overview of things you probably already knew on some level.
For example, men profess to like younger women the most, but mostly message women
similar in age to themselves. Also, men tend to rate most women above average
on a 1-5 scale of beauty, where women tend to rate men below average. Rutter
attributes that to this gem of wisdom – “women are inclined to regret the sex
they had, and men the sex they didn’t.” Well that is not the most forward
thinking thing I’ve heard this week, it’s probably not altogether untrue
either. Basically, the dating section is
an okay read, but Rutter really shines in the later sections which discuss race
relations, the nature of beauty, and privacy in a digital world.
These sections elucidate a racial bias toward our own race
in a relationship, and show that people of different races write their
self-summaries in very different ways. The lists of most used and least common
words in profiles by race were really interesting to read. This chapter is
titled “Tall for an Asian”. I think Rudder
does a fine job of showing us our biases but not preaching too hard against
what he has found. This is certainly not a book that thinks for you.
His discussions of the mob mentality on social media and
privacy in such a data rich world make this book worth buying. Rudder is able
to offer a unique viewpoint from the creator of one of the most used dating
websites and statistician examining droves of data from it …but also as someone
who treasures his privacy and doesn’t use dating sites or social media much.
Overall a very good book. I’ve been getting back into
fiction lately, so I read this while I was reading two other books, and it’s
easy to pick up and put down when you’re in the mood. It’s relatable and easy
to read, and you’ll feel smarter when you finish it!
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